In honor of the Olympic games in China, I’ve decided to stage my own “Special” Olympics based on financial events. I, like most people, have been astounded by the displays of physical prowess going on in Beijing. However, I’m equally impressed by other Herculean displays going on in the financial markets.

After all, why should we merely applaud those who have developed their physical prowess to near superhuman levels? Shouldn’t we also applaud those who excel in other arenas of human effort… like backtracking, or blowing hot air, or flat-out incompetence?

Personally, I’m as impressed by someone who can contradict themselves in front of the American public as I am by someone who can leap over a giant hurdle using a pole. Both activities require great focus, determination, and the ability to ignore glaring issues that would unnerve most of us e.g. “what happens if the pole breaks?” or “what happens if people realize I have no idea what I’m talking about?”

So I’ve created a number of new events… as well as the world champions for each.

1) The Men's Backtracking: Publicly Reversing Your Policy

The Men’s Backtracking is judged based on three key criteria. They are:

• The amount of time between your initial public statement and subsequent self-contradiction (the shorter the time span, the better).
  
• Your ability to publicly contradict yourself without showing a hint of self-consciousness.
  
• The significance of the issue you reverse positions on.

There were several frontrunners for this event. Among them was Merrill Lynch analyst Guy Moszkowski, who changed his ranking on Lehman Brothers a total of four times within a nine day period in June. Then of course there is Ben Bernanke—a financial decathlete if ever there was one—though he was disqualified for not actually following through with his verbal reversals: he never actually got hawkish, but simply brayed hawkishly.

No, the champion for the Men’s Backtracking is Hank “Super Hank” Paulson. On July 13, Hank ruled out a bailout for the massive quasi-governmental mortgage lenders Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. He then completely reversed his position, asking Congress for a blank check to bolster up the two companies.

Paulson gets credit for the timing of his reversal—less than a few weeks—as well as his ability to officially “rule out” a bailout then ask for an unlimited amount of cash—after all, it’s not like he named a specific price. However, it’s the magnitude of the issue he reversed his stance on—$5 TRILLION worth of mortgages—that truly propels Paulson to superstar status for Backtracking.

2) Men's Side-talking: Speaking Out of Both Sides of One's Mouth

Virtually every Wall Street CEO is a high contender for this one.