Feb. 22--WHEN IN THE MIDST of a conversation, I often find myself saying, "That reminds me of that episode of 'Sex and the City' when ..."

This is, in fact, such a prevalent part of my discussions about, well, just about anything, that I tend to get embarrassed after I do it five or six times during the same exchange. Like I have no other means of comparison for the myriad things that occur in life than to bring up the various shenanigans of my four pretend best friends.

Even after the series has long since ended, I still think most of life's experiences can somehow be explained by pointing to one or another of the situations Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte found themselves in on the show.

But you will rarely ever hear me mention the movie, as I am still trying to pretend it didn't actually happen.

A state of denial that became a bit harder to maintain recently, after news of a confirmed "Sex and the City 2" exploded on the Internet.

Apparently, all four actresses --

Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon and Kristen Davis -- have signed on, clearly choosing to ignore the fact that "SATC 1" was already a crime against humanity.

Just like every other female fan of the show, I had approached the first film with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. Yay! The girls are back! Boo! They're probably going to screw it up!

And, just like pretty much every fan I know, I wasn't disappointed on either account -- the girls were, in fact, back. And they did, absolutely and without a doubt, screw it up.

Gone were the good jokes, the moving story lines. Out the window, along with any shred of believability the show might have once had.

Apparently to make room for even more bad puns. "Mexicoma," anyone? And don't even get me started on the ol' "Louise Vuitton" line.

Steve having an affair? Samantha giving up her career to move to L.A. with Smith? Never would have happened either. Big sitting in a car whining about how he needs to hear it's "just about me and you, Carrie"? A cheap cop-out to forge a (shamefully weak) plot.

Sound a tad bitter? That's because I am. After all, they had four years to get it right. Instead they spent the entire period of time between the series finale and the first movie's release date to do little else but choreograph clothing montages.

Just the other day, my friend Lisa told me she'd rented the movie, just to see if it improved on second viewing -- you know, since she was no longer expecting it to be even marginally good.

"And? Was it any better?" I asked.

"Nope," she said. "Actually, it got worse."

So, as you can well imagine, I ran straight to the phone to call her when I first read about the sequel.

"[Writer/director] Michael Patrick King says he's going to switch things up this time around," I told her. "By which I can only hope he means he'll make it not be the most ridiculously horrible mockery ever."

"Not likely," Lisa replied. "It'll probably be 20 times worse."

"Ugh, tell me about it," I said. "I hate them more than anything for even thinking about it. It's a travesty. Come on. Leave it alone already."

She nodded. We both looked sad. And then she said: "I'll probably go see it anyway."

"Uh, well, yeah," I answered. "I mean, of course. Duh. I never said I wasn't going to see it."

But I am seriously considering going back to injecting all my conversations with quotes from "Seinfeld" in the meantime, out of spite.

Mmm-hmm. That oughta show 'em.

KATIE McDOWELL is a staff writer for The Dominion Post. E-mail her at kmcdowell@dominionpost.com.

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