Jul. 9--It is a race to save Earth; my buddy John in his Prius and I in mine.

Gentlemen, start your Hybrid Synergy Drives. The downtown commute is under way.

I accelerate slowly to the optimal 41 mph, lift my foot off the gas and then ever so lightly depress it a fraction of an inch.

This releases the regenerative brakes and disengages the gas engine.

Five geeks used this trick to nurse a Prius for 109.3 mpg as they drove around and around a 15-mile course near Pittsburgh for 48 hours.

The various energy-flow directional arrows vanish from the Multimedia Systems Display screen.

I'm now being powered by dark matter.

The yellow bar graph zooms up to 99 mpg. Keeping it there results in a slow deceleration to 27 mph.

Then I gently accelerate back to 41, pulsing and gliding down the road, air conditioner off, drafting behind a Crown Vic, cursing every time I have to tap on the brakes for children and pets.

I pull into the Sentinel parking lot with a 63.4 mpg average for the nine-mile commute.

The result is e-mailed to John.

His response: "76.8 mpg. ... poor performance over first half until Lee Road (47 to 50 mpg), excellent second half."

Drat, he caught a tail wind.

I have failed my planet.

But John has been driving his Prius for almost two years, and I just got mine. I took a leap of faith that people still will be reading newspapers by the end of the year. And if they aren't, it's a hatchback, so I can just fold down the rear seat and sleep back there when the Chinese take my house back.

How can you not buy a car in this market?

I got mine new because it was cheaper than buying a used one. When factoring in model year-end closeouts, factory rebates, dealer rebates, dealer desperation and great depression, I paid $2,000 less for a 2009 than the cheapest 2008 I could find.

The sales manager wept in appreciation.

I even got Vehicle Stability Control, which car writer Steven Cole Smith says allows me to make cell-phone calls and drink coffee while I'm driving.

This is like driving a video game. There is no key. The car responds to electronic-fob rays and touch.

It's overwhelming for someone who has bought base model his entire life.

Now I've entered the realm of people who buy cars to make a statement:

BMW 128i coup: "I am a student at Rollins."

Ford F-150 FX4: "I could afford this two years ago."

Hummer H1: "Nobody will have sex with me."

Prius: "I am better than you."

People hate us for that. They know that deep down inside, we are cheering for higher gas prices so we can gloat.

We can't wait for Peak Oil, that day of doom when demand outstrips supply and gas goes to $10 a gallon.

Until then, maybe cap-and-trade will get gas back up to $3.

Then we will drive around in our rat-shaped billboards that proclaim how much smarter we are than everybody else.

That's basically what CNW Marketing found in a survey of Prius owners, in which 57 percent admitted to buying them mainly to be seen in them. They relished acclaim from friends and co-workers for making a socially responsible, planet-saving purchase.

The Prius "might be the most perfect white product ever," says the stuffwhitepeoplelike.com site. "It's expensive, gives the idea that you are helping the environment, and requires no commitment/changes other than money."

I admit to some smugness.

Now when I walk in the office, and all the media elitists in the newsroom attack me for supporting offshore drilling, opposing cap-and-trade and denying doomsday global-warming scenarios, I simply dismiss them with, "My carbon footprint is smaller than your carbon footprint."

Mike Thomas can be reached at 407-420-5525 or mthomas@orlandosentinel.com.

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