(Source: San Jose Mercury News)
Question: My best friend is making some bad choices, in my opinion, and I'm not sure what I can or should do about it. She broke up with her boyfriend because he cheated on her, but now they're back together. And she's not some bimbo; she's smart and attractive and has a lot going for her. But why she would go back to this guy is beyond me. He even hit on me once. I just don't want my girlfriend to get hurt again.
_ Anonymous
Answer: It can be difficult watching your friends or loved ones make stupid decisions. Just this past week we had to sit idly by and watch a buddy bet his paycheck on the Packers plus the 3?{ points. Heartbreaking. So we know what you're feeling.
The thing is, if she's in no physical danger, there are only a limited number of things you can do, that are legal anyway. If you want to go the illegal route, contact Tonya Harding.
Certainly you can try to talk some sense into her. If you're her best friend, you've probably already done that, because that's what best friends do, right? You have talked to her, yes? Whether it's a "Hon, we need to have a little heart-to-heart" conversation, or a more nuanced, "What in the name of Lorena Bobbitt are you thinking, girl!?" it's incumbent on you as a BFF to point out the obvious, just as you would if she wore leggings with hot pants or, say, bet against the Vikings.
And in your conversation, you probably made a few observations re: the cheating _ like, if he cheats once, he's likely to do it again, and, now that he knows you'll come back after something like that, he might feel he can get away with anything. Just some helpful talking points for you, in case that convo has yet to happen.
Did we mention Tonya Harding?
So anyway, although the cheating is certainly troubling, the bottom line is you don't really know what goes on in someone else's relationship, despite your best-friendship, and what the real motives are for staying with someone. Maybe he's basically a good guy and treats her well, and this was a one-time (cough) mistake. Maybe deep down she's insecure and she feels safe with him. Maybe he's rich, or simply has a huge record collection.
The most you can do is let your friend know how you feel, but then assure her you'll be there for her long after Romeo has split. In the meantime, how about hosting a girls' night in? Suggested viewing: "Thelma and Louise."
READER MAIL
There was a great divergence of opinion regarding last week's column about who should pay during the initial stages of dating. You'll never guess how the opinions broke down _ along gender lines! Shocking isn't it? We'll print some of the more interesting responses in an upcoming column, but it's not too late to weigh in. The question: Should the man offer to pay on at least the first few dates, or is that a hopelessly outdated contrivance, and maybe sexist to boot? Please include supporting arguments for your position. But don't write too long; we have a short attention span. Thanks!
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Male Call answers questions from men and women on etiquette, relationships, men's style and more. Write to malecall(at)mercurynews.com.
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