Oct. 29--I live with an old computer that could run Windows 7 about as often as Jim Tressel would run a flea-flicker on fourth-and-1.

So I'm not too giddy about the new Microsoft operating system.

Granted, I've never been too giddy about operating systems, even after figuring out what they are.

Overenthusiasm in the computer category strikes me as unfair to other gadget makers. Does Maytag rivet the world's attention when it sticks a new motor in its washing machines?

Get a grip, people.

Windows 7 is particularly irrelevant to me because I am the owner of a 9-year-old Dell. (In computer years, that translates to 87.)

As the decade has progressed, our relationship has shifted from one of machine and operator to one of machine and caregiver. One must attend to the welfare of the older computer.

For example, I know that my vintage machine cannot be rushed. It takes a good 15 minutes to wake up in the morning, strains audibly under the weight of its exertions and issues a constant stream of complaints about its health: Virtual memory too low. Invalid page fault. Stack overflow.

I try to counter with a positive attitude: Just be glad that your stack can still overflow, I say. A lot of machines your age are lying in landfills, leaching their heavy metals into groundwater as a legacy to future generations. Yet you soldier on, obeying my every command within 20 minutes of receiving it.

Secretly, I have concerns about its health.

The boot-up procedure is always suspenseful. The screen goes blank for several minutes, and I find myself thinking: Is this the day that my worst fears are realized? Is this the big one?

Sometimes I hover with a can of compressed air, which I consider the chicken soup of computer health care.

At other times the struggle is too painful to watch, so I just walk away, hoping that, when I return in 30 minutes or so, I will see the Windows desktop in all its cluttered glory.

So far, so good.

One also learns that an old computer doesn't adapt well to change.

Before I upgrade software, I always ask myself what's worse: running a copy of Word that is the technological equivalent of a quill dipped in ink or having the computer collapse under the stress of an upgrade? I usually pass on the upgrade, for the same reason that I wouldn't enter Larry King in the Boston Marathon.

Why not get a new computer, you ask?

Because I have a technology-avoidance strategy that says, whenever something new emerges, I should wait a few years to see whether it will go away on its own.

That worked magnificently in the case of Windows Vista: I never acquired a machine that could run it and therefore avoided all the flaws that have so delighted Apple users.

And now it is going away, to be replaced by Windows 7.

Meanwhile, I continue to wheeze along on Windows XP.

That name, by the way, is said to be short for Windows Experience. But when you're talking about my computer, it could also mean Extremely Primitive.

Joe Blundo is a Dispatch columnist.

jblundo@dispatch.com

The screen goes blank, and I find myself thinking: Is this the day that my worst fears are realized?

MORE ONLINE --To read Joe Blundo's blog, Regular Joe, visit Dispatch. com/blogs and click on "Features."

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