Many people may find themselves stuck in a cut and dried relationship devoid of passion. To avoid getting involved in hopeless and destructive bonds with a partner that is not suitable for you, you have to puzzle out what endearment and congruity are. Discover how to cease confusing these phenomena and how realizing their essence will help start a harmonious union.
Most posts with advice on choosing a soul mate say little about phenomena such as congruity and endearment (or affinity). Usually, people understand their meaning intuitively. When you feel affection for someone from Ladadate, you just feel it. If you are dating someone with whom you have poor congruity, this is also hard to miss. Just remember the situation when you bite into rotten fruit.
The majority of tips on mutual attraction are based on incorrect information because they cannot be counterfeited or influenced in any way. Instead, we spend a lot of time learning ways of self-improvement, developing self-presentation skills, and mastering all kinds of tricky techniques that help to establish communication with members of the opposite sex. This is done to increase your competitiveness in the singles market.
All these recommendations are needed to hold a fascination for a potential partner who seems unapproachable to us, to make them notice us. A woman you haven’t met yet. A guy you have dreamed of all your life. And if this inapproachable guy or girl does not match us, well, we simply do not want to realize it, but in vain.
What is congruity?
Many frequently mix up congruity and endearment. However, the difference between them is huge. People casually use these terms to feature the enigmatic phenomena that take place between lovers: an unperceivable and ineffable connection, or lack thereof.
Indeed, congruity is a natural, harmonious coincidence of views on the life and values of two partners. Congruity clearly will not arise between a porn actress and a born family man, so they are unlikely to succeed in building relationships with each other:
- erudite, open-minded girls tend to date erudite, open-minded guys;
- religious bigot opt for the same people;
- hedonists prefer dating hedonists.
And partners with incompatible spiritual things, as a rule, cause hostility to each other. Sometimes even complete intransigence.
What is endearment?
Endearment is the term for the emotional attachment that develops between lovers when they are close to each other. Very firm endearment causes in people an emotional response from each other to certain traits of their character. The romantic experiences of one partner are reflected on the other, which generates a particular set of positive reactions, as a result of which lovers feel good around each other.
If your attachment to your partner is deep, he or she is present in your thoughts all the time. You can chat with each other all day long, but it seems like only an hour has passed. When your phone rings, you hope it’s your crush. You are constantly interested in what your partner thinks about this book, track, movie, how he or she will react to your action, etc.
Endearment can be called a desire, a flame. It is well described by the formula “chemistry, gale, frenzy.” A dopamine surge occurs in your partner when endearment takes place. The same thing happens to you. But you spend plenty of time together, yet it isn’t nearly enough. You tell each other sweet things, without hesitation use the word with the letter “L” and annoy surrounding people.
People are not driven apart by a lack of congruity or endearment. Usually, people who are not attracted to each other just get bored together. Their relationship lacks emotion. Endearment has a profound effect on sexual relationships. In it is absent, the couple is doomed to lackluster and unemotional sex. And in the presence of strong endearment, you are likely to have mind-blowing nights (and days) that will be remembered by both of you for a lifetime.
How does endearment arise?
It is hard to explain what exactly is the cause of endearment. The reason for this is that we are all made up of a number of emotional and mental processes and relationships may start with one peculiarity: you like the way your partner laughs at your jokes. The endearment is felt instantly and equally by both sides. A crucial distinguishing feature of endearment is the reciprocity of feelings. If you have some sensations, you can be sure that your spouse also has them. You become excellent empaths for one another:
- A sophisticated, slightly nervous, and sensitive girl can pretty much attract a low-emotional, judicious, and serious man;
- Extroverts tend to appear unusually attractive to introverts;
- People with excellent time management skills are often highly attracted to spontaneous and unorganized individuals.
Is it possible to do without congruity or endearment?
However, in real life, endearment and congruity are not always present simultaneously in a couple. A union that lacks endearment but has outstanding congruity is certain to be a series of uneventful but pleasant dates and dull discussions. They end up either with the partners getting tired of this boredom and leaving or with the fastening of this mutual convenience in the bonds of a marriage based on friendly relationships. Unfortunately, this alignment is quite common.
On the other hand, endearment without congruity usually leads to sheer disaster. Sometimes, at the end of such a relationship, the only way out for former lovers is to disperse to opposite parts of the world.
Such a union is really like a disease. You know that he or she is completely unsuitable for you, but you cannot refuse this person. Your behavior becomes completely irrational: reason and heart are in constant discord. Both of you are immersed in a frantic cycle of love and hate. You constantly find excuses for your soul mate, and your friends watch this roller coaster with a drooping jaw. They do not know if they should risk their health and try to pull you out of this swamp or continue to support you while you spin in your love tornado with no hope of getting out of it and destroying your life in every possible way.